Just let it stay

It was 6:30 AM and was a usual day for everybody in Chennai,India. A normal working day. But for me it was not the same. My last day as a student at my beloved CEG. I was not planning for a masters and it was kind of sentimental for me to leave college. I had not partcularly enjoyed college except for the excellent friends I made there. The excessive thrust on academics created a belief in me that acads were the in thing and made things worse for me. I was living in a world of my own all through my college life!!

But this day lingers due to an aspect entirely unrelated to my college. Well I was a person who lives life languidly and likes the comforts it can offer and this was to such an extent that I used to commute to college in a slightly circuitous route to evade from the big crowd.I used to do this even when it was getting late for the monthly quizzes !!

Another reason for this was the girl I used to see in the bus stop. She was a very simple and refined girl whom normally guys would not notice easily. She looks conservative but had a grace in the way she carried herself. Initially I had not really bothered about this girl but she was a regular in the same bus stop.

Inspite of the bus stop being a major junction with around 15 different ruotes that can take me to college I used to wait for a particular bus that started from here so that I can travel in a bus with 10 people in it. I could not miss her because she used to take the same bus. May be the reinforcement of her face or because of the lack of good looking girls in my class this face stayed in my mind. So everyday I got used to looking at this girls face. I used to glance at her and she also would give me a plain look. I didnt know why I was doing that but it was becoming habitual.

All of a sudden one day I could not see her. That was when I realized we both were sitting in the same place everyday such that we can see each other. I searched for her in the sparsely crowded bus but couldn't see her. It was a slight disappointment. The next day was the same. She was no where to be present. I did not what I was doing and why I was searching for her. Once I entered college I never used to think about her but now I was imagining why she wasn't coming. Has she moved out the place?? Is she sick?? What the hell is happening.

This torture continued for a month. I didnt know !! I wasn't the same. A feeling of emptiness was there in me. I was drudging my way to college everyday. And life was more frustrating because the bus service I used to take got suspended and I had to take more crowded buses where I had to stand the full journey. I hated crowds and I was hating to go to college everyday.

On one such day I was in a crowded bus as usual with a blank mind when I heard a feeble voice saying "Excuse me". I just turned back and was dumb struck. It was SHE. Was she going to talk to me? Was she going to explain her absence? A thousand thoughts and bells rang on my head and I started to sweat(It is very easy to sweat in humid Chennai). She saw me clearly in my eyes and said "Can you get me a ticket to Thiruvanmiyur?". I said yes with a serious look. I was not even prepared to give a nice smile.

I took a five rupee note from her. The bus was very crowded but I managed to replace that with a five rupee from my purse. I got the ticket and gave it to her. With a very pleasant smile she said 'Thanks' . Those were the only words I heard from her. To this day I cherish that moment a lot. I could have talked to her and even tried to work out something with her. But something always stopped me from going forward. Somehow my heart always felt "Just let it stay".

Marriage - What is it?

Every society is an ensemble of families. Families come together and define a society. This is the definition I have learnt and seen myself in India and now in the US. This entity called family is formed due to a concept called Marriage. This has been a real confusing concept for me.

I'm no person to question the meaning of the institution called marriage. But what befuddles me is what binds a man and a woman together for life. Right from our birth we use resources of mother earth. We use and refuse. We buy new clothes and use them till they either wear out or we feel that they are not worth being used. We buy cars, computers and a whole lot of items manufactured by businesses. Sooner or later we junk everything we buy.

But when a person marries he/she thinks that the partner is one with whom the rest of our life should be spent. But why does the normal human mind thinks so? (There are many exceptions to this but atleast 70% of marriages in the world last for a lifetime). What is the binding factor??

The physical aspect in marriage should play a very big role atleast in the initial days. The physical needs of a man and a woman need to be satisfied and marriage should be providing a means for that. Is sex the binding factor?

Sex begets the act of procreation. So sooner or later most couples get kids. Is that the prize for being together? Or is it the factor to bind the couple for the future?? A normal father and mother would want to bring up the child and set an example for the society and in the process stay together.
Is the child the binding factor??

Many a time man and woman without children stay together for a whole life? I'm confused. It befuddles me. May be sometime when I marry I'll understand what it is !!!!